I Drank The Kool Aid

May The Odds Be Ever In Your Favor…

I saw the Hunger Games this weekend. I absolutely loved it. I didn’t like the killing, but I liked the in depth meaning behind everything. I thought the main character was spectacular. I loved her, I thought she brought the perfect balance between sternness and compassion to the audience. Oh Miss Katniss Everdeen… 

From my perspective I feel like this is where our future is going. We have reality TV that so many of us are glued to today, for all ages.  Pawn Stars, Real Housewives, god, I’m only seeing this from a gay and parent perspective, who knows what straight guys watch besides sports. But to name a very brief few, reality TV is the new norm. I think the more gruesome, the more fighting, the more hatred the higher the ratings, people want to see it, they don’t want to have to experience it. 

As I watched the movie I tried to wrap my head around the whole idea, so many things came to my mind. 2 societies, the City of Panem where it appeared the rich and famous lived. They seemed to be the gods, and then there were the districts, who were out in the country, living their lives in struggle. Granted they didn’t have everything but they were able to live off the land… Oh yeah, they were starving people too. 

But so much of me sees that in my world today. I have a really good friend who grew up on the farms near the Amish, and I have friends that live in NYC. I don’t know. I’ve experienced both and I so feel that more of us that are grouped together tend to be influenced more than the people just living off the land. Granted, Katniss lived very poor but at times it seemed quite quaint and peaceful. In the city she was out of her comfort zone. It’s so hard for me to put this all in words because I don’t even know if it makes sense. 

We’re so blinded by the world sometimes, we only focus on what’s not real. The more we add: makeup, cars, clothes, technology etc. we tend to lose touch with who we are as a person. Where in the country, all we have is the country, all we have is mother earth, an earth that was intended for us to feel and see the way the world is supposed to. I don’t know. I don’t even think this post makes sense, but to me it does. 

I feel like I’m back in college trying to write a paper. What got me so captivated through the movie was the sick feeling of these kids hunting and killing each other. It was sad but only enough for you to continue on to keep watching. I don’t know. The point of kids; who should never have to experience death or the act of killing another human being ever boggles my mind. And today this occurs quite frequently all around the world. We’re just so blind to see it. So maybe, I wonder, is the feeling of sickness just the curtain being raised from my eyes to see another side of truth that goes on in this world? I’m not sure. Anyways, 

I’m going to attempt to study more dialogue. Only 12 more days, I can’t believe it. Crazy…. 

Truth

There’s nothing like a good movie to inspire you to be more true to yourself. 

I just watched the movie. Muriels wedding. I find it to be most outstanding and I do see that the main lesson in the film is to be true to who you are, because when you are the world opens up around you so much easier and more natural than ever. 

so, long story short, i’m going to be just like Muriel… thanks :D 

Update on life

I’m trying to figure out what has been going on lately. At this moment, my boyfriend and I are laying on my bed, he’s on his lap top i’m on mine, an old couple in the making. 

I’m finally through standing head-to-knee in my dialgue and i’m relieved. i feel like the hardest postures are the 3 standing balancing poses … annnd maybe triangle. 

I couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend and support system. Jason, coworkers and friends have been more then encouraging about my trip to teacher training come ummm 3 weeks from now. yikes! 

In the mean time i’ve been doing crossfit 3 days a week (usually 2) and yoga 3 days a week. When april hits, i plan on only doing 1 - 2 days of yoga and just the rest crossfit. I feel i’ll be getting my yoga fill quite frequently doing 11 classes a week. On top of learning the anatomy of the human body and how it relates to yoga. blah blah blah. I’ve read peoples blogs for teacher and some have really stunned me. I feel like some people have sugar coated the experience for training, some have been brutally honest. I don’t know, it is an experiance that everyone takes in differently, i get that. And it’s also strange how it’s women, not like there’s anything wrong with that. 

I hope this yoga allows me to open up and to become a better person in the long run. I hope that I learn and figure out a lot of my emotional and mental problems I deal with. I think I’m hoping for this journey to fix everything. I don’t know. 

I’ve come to the realization that I need to STOP trying to get people to go to yoga. I thought about it. I feel like it’s almost like trying to make someone go to church. It’s not for everyone and the more I talk about it the more I feel as though people lose the sight of what it really is. So I’m making a promise to myself to allow people to discover it on their own, if they ask me what I do for hobbies or physical activity, I’ll tell them. But in the mean time, I wont allow 

Other than that I’m good, there are a few more things I need to get done before I go: purchase more yoga shorts, get ultima replenisher, hunt my yoga teacher down and get left over mats to use at teacher training, and get recovery mix to help with my muscles. 

I really do hope teacher training will allow me to open up more. Oh life. One day at a time. I promise to make this teacher training experience my very own. 

FUCK THAT SHIT

I walked from 44th street down to 13th to take a yoga class down in union square. I haaaaated the teacher. She was very rude to the students, calling then out in a malicious manner and not making them feel welcomed. I dont know. I feel like as a yoga teacher you need to be a lot more compassionate to the students.

Probably by far the hottest class I have ever had so when it came to that I’m pretty thankful. I went deeper into my poses and I noticed that my mind was a lot clearer. At one point I didn’t even know my own name and thought I was going to die.

I’ve never felt such a rush of heat on the skin and internally. I don’t know how to explain it. I was screaming inside.

As I’m writing this I’m eavesdropping on 2 teachers talking about why they want to teach….. I’m going to teacher training. I’m putting in all this money and I’m going to teach. Teach for what?! Why do I want to teach. Initially I want to teach to develop a better understanding of who I am and I want people to do the same. I want them to quiet the mind. I want them to understand that there is more to life.

Hold that moment and live in it.

I want to love and be compassionate to my students. Allow them to go through whatever they’re dealing with.

I refuse to ever be rude unless I absolutely need to be. One day at a time. I learned a style to teach that I don’t want to be a part of.

Yoga competition

So here I am, on my cell phone blogging while sitting in a van traveling down to NYC with my yoga instructor and other teachers. I’m excited to see this new world I’ll be immersed in and figure out what I like and what I dislike.

What I like so far: people who share the same practice and passion. What I hate: the over obsessive type. Reminds me of a guy I used to dive with. He had a great love for the sport but it got to the point it was overbearing. I hated him because he gave the sport a bad name.

I think if yoga speaks to you in that way that’s great. Just be careful. It could turn others off.

Okay. I’m getting car sick.

10 LBS

I gained 10 pounds. Thank you holiday rush :), you make it okay to gain such tromendous weight. I’ve come to the conclusion that it hasn’t only been just the holiday but being with my new boyfriend has created a lot of this. We go out to eat a lot and with going out to eat comes a lot of carbs and yummy treats. My boyfriend loves to have desserts, usually i’m pretty good but I give in to peer pressure. I haven’t weight this much in over 4 years. Not too fun. And to top it off I’m vegetarian. 

So what is this guy gonna do? Revamp my eating habits. I have the working out part down. That’s fine. But now it’s the other part: eating right. I tend to flip flop the way I eat, not intentionally it’s just that I have doubts and think that what i’m doing will never work for me, that this isn’t the right diet. When i was 21 - 22, i remember working out hardcore. I would go to diving practice for 2 hours and then hit the gym for another 3, i was down to my lowest weight of my life. 190lbs. 

As a prospective yoga instructor and a vegetarian, i think it’s imperative to set some type of example. I know that it’s important to be healthy etc. But, my mission is to help people change the way their lives. If i’m munching on m&m’s and cookies for snacks on a daily basis, i’m not doing good to my body or setting the example I want for people. When we change what we eat we change our thought process, we reprogram our brains. I remember it clearly when I first became a vegetarian. Now I’m taking it to the next level. 

I got a juicer for Xmas from my boyfriend and I watched the documentary Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead. Def a great film if your’e interested in changing your lifestyle. I can’t wait to see where this healthy eating will take me. It reminded me of yoga and it made me smile. Yoga is a progression. When we first start it’s difficult, it’s hard to understand the poses and the breathing, but the more you get into it you slowly start to notice the changes within your body. When I would first go on diets I’d crash only after a few days because It was too difficult and I couldn’t grasp the concept. Currently doing yoga, creating stillness and an internal understanding, I know it’ll help me through this other journey i’ll be taking. 

I refuse to get angry with myself If I break this, just like with anything else, if you fail, tomorrow is a new day. Wish me luck!